TWAS THE DAY BEFORE NAPPY'S BIRTHDAY (Or, GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST)

“MOST OF ALL, I’D LOVE TO SEE CHRIST COME BACK TO CRUSH THE SPIRIT OF HATE AND MAKE MEN PUT DOWN THEIR GUNS.  I’D ALSO LIKE JUST ONE MORE HIT SINGLE.”
~ TINY TIM 
(Interviewed by Harold Ramis for
Playboy magazine - June, 1970)

I just got home from making my annual Christmas Day wish for Tiny Tim, that he might someday score a second hit song.

Since for the first time ever, my Brother Nappy, Sister Bonehead, and I aren't all together for Christmas Day, I wanted to post a few nostalgic items that are really a part of our longtime Christmas traditions. Nappy and Bonehead can enjoy them from Phoenix, and should anyone else enjoy them also, well that's just Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire walnuts on the fruitcake.

But first... a song!

I own quite a number of Christmas CDs, but one of my favorites is 'TINY TIM'S CHRISTMAS ALBUM'. Even when he was terrible (which wasn't all the time), Tiny was so sincere that I find it impossible not to love the big lug ("John Wayne!-John Wayne!"). 

And I think his version of 'The Christmas Song' may be my all-time favorite. (Eat yer heart out, Nat King Cole!) Did ANYONE ever have more fun singing this song? And make no mistake, Tiny really CAN sing. Wait until the song kicks into the high-gear uptempo part and really pay attention to Tiny's voice. It's GOOD! And he knows how to use it. If that ain't "Christmas fun", I don't know what is:

'THE CHRISTMAS SONG' by Tiny Tim
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXJlXc81WU 


Nappy and Bonehead, these next three are for you two...

During my childhood, the Andre champagne commercial was as much a part of our tradition as was the decorations and the family Christmas tree. It wasn't until I was about 21 or 22 years old that I learned the name of the melody was 'Carol Of The Bells' and NOT "the Andre champagne commercial song".

ANDRE CHAMPAGNE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGOr3s1VEYI


'POPPY THE PUPPY' by Gene Autry
When we were just wee little tots, we had a record album titled '18 Christmas Songs' on Value Records which contained 'Poppy The Puppy', and this song and album were real favorites of We Three Kids. Well, one day, while the record was playing, Nappy (always a bulldog bulldoug in a china shop) accidentally broke it in an unsuccessful attempt to leap over the record player. My Ma tried to glue it back together as if it were just another Nativity set angel. Ha! Not THIS time, Ma.

Well, I still put the old record cover and the broken record out as a house decoration all these years later. And not a Christmas had passed since then during which my Sister and I had failed to mention the broken record and given Nappy dirty looks and nasty words.

A few years back, Nappy's conscience got the better of him and he finally got around to replacing the album... on compact disc, which was a long way from being invented when he broke our record circa 1969 or '70.


And now that I hear it again after decades, I realize that... 'Poppy The Puppy' wasn't really all that good of a song. I almost wish Nappy hadn't replaced it so we could still "give him the business" about the damaged album. I enjoyed criticizing Nappy every Christmas more than I like listening to 'Poppy The Puppy'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l99FS49-DU0

Our family owned the soundtrack recording on LP of 'The Big Little Jesus' - the Dragnet TV show Christmas special. We listened to it every single year, the way some people watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' every year at this time.

The soundtrack recording was not just the music but EVERY LINE OF DIALOGUE in the show. The funny thing is that until just a couple years ago (and thanks to YouTube) I had never, ever seen the 30-minute TV show. I knew every word of the show's dialogue because I grew up with our soundtrack album, but I'd never seen the actors delivering those lines. Other than Sergeant Joe Friday (Jack Webb) I had NO IDEA what those actors looked like.

When I closed down my old 'STUFFS' blog in early 2012, my final blog bit there was titled GOING-OUT-OF-BLOGGING SALE! (50% OFF EUROPEAN ITEMS), and one of the final paragraphs said:

To all who read and commented on ‘Stuffs’... or read it but didn’t comment on it... or commented on it but didn’t read it... or neither read or commented on it... I thank you; my brother Nappy thanks you; Yogi Yoey O’Dogherty thanks you; Mister Flavin, Paco Mendoza, Father Xavier Rojas, and Claude Stroup at The Golden Dream Hotel thank you.
.

The blog bit title and most of that paragraph were inspired by the Dragnet TV Christmas special. Well, click the link below (YouTube doesn't allow the video to be embedded) and watch the very heartwarming show for yourself and see how many of the references made it into my final 'STUFFS' blog bit.

'THE BIG LITTLE JESUS' - Dragnet 
Original air date: December 24, 1953
A statue of baby Jesus is stolen from a church, and Friday must find it before Christmas.
LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMIRG-upZ2w

God bless Tiny Tim (and Christ Jesus bless all of you, too!)

Sing us and preach us out, Tiny, as only you can do...

'SILENT NIGHT' by Tiny Tim
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPprRVvl2vQ


Bonehead, this last little gift is for you...

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

BOTB RESULTS FOR 12/15/2015 (Or, WHITNEY HOUSTON VS. SOME WHITE WOMAN)

First of all, a hearty thank you to everyone who took time during this busy Christmas / Holiday season to visit, listen, and vote. I  THANK  YOU  ALL! And "God bless us, every one", as Tiny Tim would sing.

Obviously, I was having some fun with this installment of 'Battle Of The Bands', while "giving the business" to a couple of racist YouTube commenters.

Despite all the pre-Battle build-up around the famous Whitney Houston, this BOTB contest went exactly as I knew it would: Whitney got her posturing butt handed to her on a platter by an unknown singer.

And this was a BOTB first! Never before has one of our own Blogger.com bloggers been a contestant in a musical Battle.

A few of you voters knew the secret identity of our Mystery Contestant, but I assume most of you did not. However, I'm sure the majority have seen comments she's left on various blogs over the years.

ANNE O'LEARY, you just beat the snot out of Whitney Houston in 'Battle Of The Bands'! What are you going to do now? Go to Disneyland?

Anne's blog can be found HERE.

I actually made my own feelings known about Whitney Houston's AWFUL version of 'AMAZING GRACE' right from the beginning. My vote was hidden right in front of your eyes and noses. In the BOTB blog bit (HERE) I wrote the following:

Well, obviously, only a MAROON would put another female singer up against THAT. AmIright? Well, call me a MAROON then, because here comes the underdog, all set up for the slaughter. 
This SHOULD be a shutout!
This might be my first BOTB shutout because the challenger has two things going against her: 
Which is worse, Shitney's "singing" or her terrible "acting"?
A) She's not Whitney Houston, and B) she's not Black, but rather White... and mostly unknown. (May her identity remain Anonymous until the voting window closes, eh?) Remember, it's not about the videos; it's all about the music. 
Houston's ego is the ONLY thing she's serving! ~D-FensDogG

Do you remember reading that? Well, take your cursor and run it from top to bottom, to this point here - as if you intend to Copy & Paste it all.

Do you see the 3 secret messages (sentences) I hid "between the lines"?

I got permission months ago from Anne O'Leary to use her rendition of 'AMAZING GRACE' in a BOTB installment. And originally I intended to try making this a close contest, as I usually do. Initially I considered putting Anne up against Carrie Underwood, Meghan Linsey, Diana Ross, or even Celtic Woman. I thought the last one would be an interesting match-up since Anne is from Ireland. The Irish O'Leary Versus Celtic Woman.

But then I ran across that atrocious Whitney Houston version, accompanied by all those glowing comments and praise, including a couple of really A-list stupid remarks from (apparently) Black supremacists: 

DaOrigTruthSeeker  
These songs mean nothing until a Black person sings them.

Jlor Jerez  
I've heard thousand of version of this song and have to say that only black ppl can sing it with this such a passion... 
 
And then I thought: OK, you asked for it.

At that point, I knew this BOTB installment would be more of a social commentary than a close Battle. I had zero doubt that Anne was going to mop up the floor with Whitney.

I've never been a Whitney Houston fan to begin with, but that "act" she put on while "singing" [sic] 'Amazing Grace' actually irked me. Go back and read her body language at that moment where she's singing "a wretch like me". Does anybody REALLY think that she thought she was a "wretch" who needed saving? Oh, no! That was the posturing of a prima donna princess! I don't like being lied to that blatantly. 

Kirk Whalum's sax solo was alright, but I felt it too was "overblown". I've always thought of Kirk as a kind of poor man's Pee Wee Ellis. I'll take Ellis over Kirk any day.

Whitney Houston = 2 votes
Anne O'Leary = 24 votes

This was the blowout I'd hoped it would be.

I really like Anne O'Leary's version of 'Amazing Grace', but even more so, I love the original recording 'TAKE ME HOME', that she and her songwriting-guitarist husband dedicated to all the Irish people living away from their homeland.

I can't believe Anne isn't a professionally trained singer. She comes by that voice naturally. And by the way, she's not just the singer, but she's the drummer, too. Listen here...

'TAKE ME HOME' by Anne And The Hubby
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch8ZwhbufI4


I thank Anne for letting me use her recording in BOTB. And again, I thank you all for your time and your thoughtful input. I hope all y'all have a magical Christmas / Holiday celebration. I also hope to see you all here again for my JANUARY 1st, 2016 'Battle Of The Bands' installment.

My next one should be pretty close and a whole lotta fun for everyone. I suspect most of you will have a pretty good laugh over my next Battle. It'll be a fun hit song going up against a funny parody of the hit. And, no, "Weird Al" Yankovic will not be a contestant. He's not the only person capable of crafting funny song parodies, ya know?

Have a great time, my friends, but stay safe. See ya next year.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy
.

2015, DEC. 15: BATTLE OF THE BANDS (Or, WHITNEY HOUSTON VS. SOME WHITE WOMAN)

Republican Vs. Democrat, Male Vs. Female, War Vs. Peace, Light Vs. Dark, Good Vs. Evil, Man Vs. Machine, Love Vs. Hate, Dog Vs. Cat, Sun Vs. Moon, Brain Vs. Brawn, Oscar Vs. Grammy, Angel Vs. Demon, Laurel Vs. Hardy, Beer Vs. Wine, TV Vs. Radio, Pitcher Vs. Batter, Paper Vs. Plastic, Reality Vs. Fantasy, Yeshua Vs. Beelzebub, Conservative Vs. Liberal, You Vs. Me, House Vs. Senate, Offense Vs. Defense, Kramer Vs. Kramer, Spy Vs. Spy, Fischer Vs. Spassky, W.C. Fields Vs. Sobriety, Harold Gimpy, Jr. Vs. Sheldon J. Pismire, Rock Vs. Paper Vs. Scissors, Islam Vs. Everything, Singer Vs. Singer, Band Vs. Band...

BATTLE OF THE BANDS! (‘BOTB’)

Shoop-Shooby –

Shooby-duh-Dooby-Doop-Dooby-Dooby-Doo-Wah –

Buh-Doo-Wah!

Yes, it’s time once again for ‘Battle Of The Bands’ (‘BOTB’)

Alright, let’s get on it...

EUGENE  MARTONE  VS.  JACK  BUTLER

For this Christmas edition of 'Battle Of The Bands', I'm using not a "Christmas" song, but a Gospel song. It's one of the most famous Gospel songs of all time, and since Gospel songs and Christmas songs are both about the same Person (Pssst... It's Christ Yeshua), I figure it works just fine.

The song is 'AMAZING GRACE' and our first competitor is the famous Whitney Houston.

At YouTube one will find many comments in praise of Whitney and this version of 'Amazing Grace'. Below are some I selected to share with y'all. I copied 'em word-for-word, so don't blame me for misspellings and crappy grammar and punctuation:

MsSexycougar1  That's Whitney's spirituality side with God. It's awesome.. If your not saved you wouldn't understand what and why she's singing in that way. 
.
GingerSpice414 
+MsSexycougar1 That's right! I'm glad you put that out! Spirituality is a feeling . . a knowing . . and something you can't deny! Until you can feel the power of God, you will never ever know. That's just real! 

.
Greg Hunt When Whitney sings gospel....you can tell it hits her soul.
.

SisterPatGoad Listen to all the singers other than Gospel singers, That Sing this song "Amazing Grace"and NONE of them seem to even know what they are singing truly about..EXCEPT FOR WHITNEY...SHE KNOWS WHAT IT IS.... and I believe she found that again,in it's fullness, before she left this world !!!! Praise God.
.

robertantonnyc This made my morning!! She was truly anointed.
.
David Irthum  Whitney Houston`s rendition will always bring tears to my eyes!
. 
Sd Coleman I love this version - my favorite! Sounds so good.

.
Selena George Oh Lord gave me the chills! Sang it Whitney! You always put soul in2 it when it comes to The Lord
.
Dillon Craft My god her voice between 0:50-1:16 was absolutely out of this world! Such power and talent when into that right there!

jony diaz Wow!!! The best, the one...The unique!
.
David Mines It will never be match or sang like this again whitney miss you with all that is within me R.I.P my Darling. All my love forever. David M.
.
Tracy Ann Martell This song brought me to tears the first time I listened to it. Great talent. RIP. [...]

luis figueroa she was and is the best singer of all times....

Emma Potter Wowwwwwww this just blew my mind! :)

maurice smith  Only Whitney could sing a song in 1 minute or 10 minutes and equally out sing every other verson!!!!

And these next two were my very favorites...
.
DaOrigTruthSeeker These songs mean nothing until a Black person sings them. Dolly said she never thought her song "I will always love you" would have become so big as it did when Whitney made it global. That song was on life support until Whitney gave it new life. It sold 46 million copies.

 

Jlor Jerez I've heard thousand of version of this song and have to say that only black ppl can sing it with this such a passion... goosebumps

. 

GOODNIKS  VS.  NO-GOODNIKS

. 
OK, let's hear it! Take it away, Whitney...

'AMAZING GRACE' by Whitney Houston
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJk5Fv2cfKk

 
.

GODZILLA  VS.  KING  KONG

.
Well, obviously, only a MAROON would put another female singer up against THAT. AmIright? Well, call me a MAROON then, because here comes the underdog, all set up for the slaughter. 
This SHOULD be a shutout!
This might be my first BOTB shutout because the challenger has two things going against her: 
Which is worse, Shitney's "singing" or her terrible "acting"?
A) She's not Whitney Houston, and B) she's not Black, but rather White... and mostly unknown. (May her identity remain Anonymous until the voting window closes, eh?) Remember, it's not about the videos; it's all about the music. 
Houston's ego is the ONLY thing she's serving! ~D-FensDogG
'AMAZING GRACE' by Some White Woman

RIDDLER  VS.  BATMAN

Alright now, “you know the gig”... I welcome you (whoever you are) to vote for your favorite of these songs in the comment section below. And feel free to tell us WHY you chose one song over the other. 

After voting here, I suggest - actually I insist - you pop over to the blogs of the other 'BATTLE OF THE BANDS' participants to see which songs they have chosen and vote there also. (If their ‘BOTB’ blog bits aren’t posted yet, pour yourself two shots of ‘Grand Marnier’ over ice – do it twice – and then return to their blogs to vice your voice ...vote your vice ...voice your vote.)

Voice Your Vote @ ‘FAR AWAY SERIES’ by clicking HERE.
@ ‘TOSSING IT OUT’ by clicking HERE.
@ ‘YOUR DAILY DOSE’ by clicking HERE.
@ 'BOOK LOVER' by clicking HERE.
@ 'MIKE'S RAMBLINGS' by clicking HERE.
@ 'CURIOUS AS A CATHY' by clicking HERE.
@ 'THE SOUND OF ONE HAND TYPING' by clicking HERE.
@ 'DCRELIEF - BATTLE OF THE BANDS' by clicking HERE.
@ 'THE DOGLADY'S DEN' by clicking HERE.
@ 'CHERDO ON THE FLIPSIDE' by clicking HERE. 
@ 'ANGELS BARK' by clicking HERE.
@ 'JINGLE JANGLE JUNGLE' by clicking HERE.
@ 'JANIE JUNEBUG, RIGHTING & EDITING' by clicking HERE.
@ 'J.A. SCOTT' by clicking HERE.
@ 'NOVELBREWS' by clicking HERE.
@ 'QUIET LAUGHTER' by clicking HERE.
@ 'BE REINVINTAGED' by clicking HERE.
@ 'HOLLI'S HOOTS & HOLLERS' by clicking HERE. 

As I've done in the past, I will continue to return to my 'BOTB' blog bits on the 7th and 21st of each month to post my own votes and announce the winners in the comment sections.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY KWANZAA (Or, HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY KWANZAA, DOGG)

.
Yo, YOU & YOUETTE ~

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas Something.

Being an equal opportunity offender, next year I will pick on the White Christians, or the Brown Hispanics, or the Yellow Asians, or the Emotional Womens, or... no one... because I might not feel like it. Sue me.

Well, we'll see... 

But with Barack Obummer in the White Grey House, this year, it's time to pick on Kwanzaa. Yeah, Kwanzaa, that 100% artificially created fake holiday celebrating Black Power (aka Malcolm X-ism, aka Socialism, aka Communism, aka Evil). Hokey-Smoke and Hoo-Wee! When even "Wackypedia" gets it right, you KNOW it's beyond Leftist propaganda spin! And how often does THAT happen, Cat, Rat, Shat, Dogg?!

"Get a day job!... Get a day job!... 
Get a day job!... Get a day job!..."

"CRACK A 40" by Roach Gigz (or... something else equally literate like that, Cat, Rat, Shat, Dogg)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8yRV8wIKGI 


Have a holly, jolly Kwanzaa
It's the Black time of the year
I don't know if there'll be Blow 
But crack that 40 here.

Have a holly, jolly Kwanzaa
And when you strut thru the hood
Say "Hey, yo!" to friends you owe
But not to those be good

Oh, sho, the hood's best ho 
Flaunts so you can see
Some cop, he waits for you
Cap him once for me

Have a holly, jolly Kwanzaa
And in case you're out of jail
Oh, mofo, have you a holly, jolly Kwanzaa
With ale

When I was a young, drunk, White guy hanging out with "The League Of Soul Crusaders", we called those big beer bottles "Buzz Bombs". But leave it to our less alliterative, less creative street Bruhthuhs, to name them after the number of ounces they contain: "40s".

40 ounces of beer in the bomb, 40 ounces of beer. You steal one down and pass it around... 39 ounces of beer in the bomb. 39 ounces of beer in the bomb, 39 ounces of beer...

Yeah, working more than 62 hours per week, I'm starting to get pissed off. And right at "The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year".

~ D-FensDogG
'Loyal American Underground'

ADDENDUM: MORE StephenT.McCarthyOnEverything About FredOnEverything PART 2 CONTINUED, INCREASED, AUGMENTED, EXPANDED And EXTENDED

.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p91GXkQ-Sas


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEQyznicPqw#t=26


DogGs & DogGettes ~

Yesterday, while making $18.00 an hour to do so, I got further caught up on my Fred Reed reading. (If you don't know what I'm yakking about, click HERE.) And I found some mo' stuffs that I felt compelled to quote here. Believe me, there's plenty mo' where this came from. I'm just trying to whet yer appetite for FredOnEverything.org.

Again, I don't agree with Fred more than 93.86% of the time. So, don't make the mistake of making me out to be a Fred Reed whore, sycophant, and yes-man. But he's worth reading regularly, whether you agree with him 100% of the time, or just 0% of the time.

In May of 2018, the second year of Mrs. Clinton’s administration, national puzzlement was high over the continuing wave of mass killings. A week before, nineteen children had died in the Blaintree Kindergarten massacre in San Francisco when Mohammed Shah Massoud, Faisal ibn Saud, and Hussein al Rashid burst into the school and began firing.

As in the shooting three months earlier of thirteen in Washington by Mohammed Faisal and Sala al Din Hussein, and in the preceding fire-bombing of the Hancock Tower in Chicago by Farouk ibn Mohammed, experts struggled to make sense of events. The head of Homeland Security, Chupamela Sanchez-Jones, explained it succinctly: “It is almost impossible to prevent attacks when they have nothing in common. What do you look out for?  What is the connection between killing children, firebombing a restaurant, and flying aircraft into buildings? There is none. It is baffling.”

Everyone of importance—the New York Times, MSNBC, NPR, the Huffington Post, Mother Jones, and Salon—agreed that there was no obvious motive. Time and again for many years attackers had come from nowhere and killed for no reason. There was no pattern except the strange cry, “Allahu Akbar.”

Mrs. Clinton’s  Secretary of Defense, Wilhelmina “Creepy” Crawley, offered an explanation.

“My staff at the Pentagon have determined that “Akbar” is a combination of “AK,” automatic Kalashnikov, which I am told is a form of gun, and BAR, Browning Automatic Rifle. This shows an unwholesome fascination with guns. We are investigating links to the NRA:”

Logic indeed urged control of guns. In October of 2017, three gunmen—Mohammed Massouf, Mohammed Ali ibn Hussein, and Abu Bakr ibn Saud–had shot and killed fourteen people at Starbucks in Philadelphia. They too had shouted about Browning Automatic Rifles.

Priscilla Latvi-Germond, Director the FBI, offered another possibility. “We think the killers may be white-supremacists, perhaps linked to the KKK.” When it was pointed out that few of the terrorists were white, she said that this was evidence of a dangerous spread of White Supremacism to people of color. 
Allahu Akbar!: The View from 2018

Today, if a guy doesn’t fall apart in the most embarrassing manner you can imagine, under the mildest stress, some earnest grief-counseling geekess will tell him that men need to get in touch with their feelings. (Men devoutly wish women would get out of touch with theirs.)

We have a different flavor of therapist for every contingency. See, it’s multi-faceted, specialized, categorized patheticness. (That was almost a word.) Look in the self-help section of any bookstore, and you’ll find titles like, “The Agony of Limp Hair: A Guide to Recovery.” So help me, I’ve seen “pet-loss grief therapy” on the lobotomy box. Your cat croaks, so a dweebette appears, solicitous and consoling enough to gag a maggot, to help you work through your grief.

Over a cat.

Now, you’d think an adult could survive cat loss without a support group. Sure, Tabby was an agreeable animal and purred when cosseted. Cats aren’t evil. They’re just useless. And now Tabby is gone forever — in heaven, ignoring God. There’s a sense of loss, I guess, like when you misplace your keys.

But — a grief therapist? To tell you not to spend too much time alone at first, especially at night, and don’t dwell on things that were dear to Tabby, like her ball of string, and her catnip mouse, and her half-eaten roaches? And remember when you get a new kitten, don’t think of it as a replacement for Tabby who is irreplaceable in your heart, but rather et cetera ad nauseam and beyond.

They talk like this, so help me.

Stuff 'em down a well, I say. Shove Oprah on top, like a cork. And then go for barbecued ribs. And lots of beer. We’ll need it. 
A Plague of Grief Therapy: Dweebesses, Geekettes, and Earnest Men In Panty Hose

We may be left with the Washington Post for sophomoric liberals, the New York Times for post-adolescent liberals, and the Washington Times, momentarily the nation’s flagship conservative publication, for the rest of humanity.

I said “momentarily” the conservative flagship, because there are proliferating on the Web more and more Web-only publications, which compete with the truck-farm pubs. [...]

From a writer’s point of view, the Web is better than moonshine and grape juice. It is god’s truth that political correctness rules ink-and-paper journalism. I’m on the Web because FredOnEverything couldn’t get published in newspapers-not because it’s badly written but because it isn’t real correct. Editors of newspapers like to think of themselves as kick-ass guys who go against the grain and let the chips fall where they may. Actually they’re scared of the readers, scared of the advertisers, scared of blacks and feminists and their colleagues in the newsroom and at the press club.

So, in the truck-farm world, to get published you need to go along, write what you are supposed to write, and suck up to editors to get limited space on the op page.

On the Web, the big boys no longer control the means of production or distribution. Anyone can just publish. (The total cost of this column, beyond writing it and doing a little html, is less than $400 a year.) Promotion takes time and effort, sure. But you sink or swim according to whether people want to read what you write. You can write a lousy column forever in a newspaper, and most newspaper columnists do. On the Web, people gotta like it or you can hang it up. But if they do like it, you fly on your own.

What the Web is telling the established newspapers is, “It’s democracy, sweethearts. Get used to it.” 
Duh…Huh? Disordered Thoughts Of A New Web Journalist

As for the Supreme Court of New Jersey, if there were a tax on brains, they would get a rebate. [...] I worry about men in nighties. 
Playing with Boy Scouts: Let Me Rub It To Make It Better

Sez me, beer has its virtue. Always has, always will. Fact is, this world doesn’t amount to much unless you give it a little amplification sometimes. You have to encourage it. The dross is there, but you can find bits of gold. For starters, take good companions, a pitcher of malt lubricant, add a good blues harmonica that sounds like broken hearts or a cat fight, depending. Or a country band singing philosophy like, “Life’s an Infomercial (Actual Results May Vary.)” Toss in a slab of ribs and some really raunchy barbecued beans and a plate of fritters.

Now, that’s meaning. We don’t get a whole lot of it.

Tell you what. If you want to sit around your living room and drink designer water with grimly nice people who avoid second-hand smoke and dress carefully and have the personality of potted plants, it’s your business. You’ll probably live longer, though I’m not sure why you’d want to. 
Brew, Fritters, and Two-Steppin’ — A Revisionist View Of Bars

And this one you just have to read for yourself, in its entirety:

• Chuckie Manson, Thor, and the Ark: Average Day in California

That's one of the funniest pieces of writing I've come across in some time.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy