Welcome back, my friends, to the "Battle" that never ends.
We're so glad you could attend. Come inside! Come inside!
This is 'BATTLE OF THE BANDS' ('BOTB') where you listen to different recordings of the same song and vote for the one you like best. A new Battle gets posted on the 1st and 15th of each month and six days later, on the 7th and 21st, I place my own vote, tally 'em all up and announce the winner.
Friend? Foe? Stranger? No matter, ALL are welcome. So pull up a chair, pour yourself 24 oz. of DOG BITE High Gravity Lager (or the poison of your choice) and turn it up to Eleven!
[NOTE: Links to the first year of 'BOTB' (#1 - #24) can be found at the very bottom of this page.]

Friday, January 1, 2016


Allah's Unholy Trousers! I haven't been this relieved to see a year end and a new one begin since 1986! 2015 was disastrous for me, and that's being charitable. It started with such high hopes and ended with me working unholy hours, sick as a dog, and crawling toward the Finish Line. I thank God it's finished!
I'm sorry I've been bad 'bout visiting yer blogs lately, but the above paragraph is my (honest) excuse. I'm sure to do better from now on.

This being my first 'BATTLE OF THE BANDS' (BOTB) contest of the new year, falling on New Year's Day (better known in these parts as "MARGARITA DAY: A Tradition Since 1986, except for 1994"), I wanted to begin with something .F-U-N..

In 1959, 'THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS' was a Billboard #1 hit for Country music singer Johnny Horton. My Ma really liked the song and purchased the 45 rpm single of it, which Brother Nappy, Sister Bonehead, and I really loved. My Ma may have bought the record, but we kids played it the most. And it seemed like I spent endless hours studying the cartoon illustrations on the record sleeve as a child.

'The Cattleman's Bar And Grill' no longer exists in the location and in the form I knew and loved it back in 1993/'94 (if in fact it exists at all). It used to be a grungy but atmospheric and character-ridden Real Man's joint near the corner of Cortez and Willis Streets in Prescott, Arizona. It was one of my Top 7 favorite bars of all time! And, yes, I've been in more than a countless "few".
Later, after I moved back to L.A., 'The Cattleman's' moved several blocks away and tried to become a respectable steakhouse. It died in April, 2012. Someone tried to reopen it in December of 2012. Not sure how that worked out.

The 'Cattleman's' was just a very narrow hole-in-the-wall joint where the scent of cooking steaks from the back of the place used to tempt even me – a vegetarian since 1985.  It was a real working-man’s, local hangout, not the sort of place where you’d find tourists or people looking for 'Sex On The Beach'. There was no sex and no beach, just cheap beer on tap, wine from Modesto and the aroma of grilling meat mingling with the scent of spilt whiskey. My kind of place.
On weekend nights in the early 1990s, the owner, Chuck, would often bring in his impressive collection of old 45 rpm hit singles and play them on a cheap record player. One night my brother Nappy and I were in the Cattleman’s and it was a sad old crowd that had gathered on this particular evening. The owner was spinning his records but no one was paying any attention and no one, it seemed, was having any fun. The moon and stars were out of alignment or something. It was a depressing crowd.
Then somehow, Nappy and I got it into our minds that we wanted to hear the song 'The Battle Of New Orleans' by Johnny Horton. We asked Chuck if he had that single. He said he thought maybe he did, but fifteen minutes later he still hadn’t played it. So we asked him again if he would find it and he said he’d look. But again some time passed and he hadn’t played it. So Nappy and I pestered him yet again, and this time - probably fed up with hearing from us about it - Chuck made an earnest search through his collection and finally found the song we’d been requesting.
From the moment that Johnny Horton’s 'The Battle Of New Orleans' began to play, that whole damn bar came completely to life! It was almost like an explosion of life force, as nearly every customer in the place began singing along to the song and clapping their hands or banging their glasses and beer bottles on the bar in time with the martial beat of the song! I never saw a sleepy little bar come so abruptly to life before. Nappy and I had inadvertently struck the Mother Lode of bar songs!
It was that experience that gave me the idea that Johnny Horton’s 'The Battle Of New Orleans' might be the most (or at least one of the most) universally liked songs in the U.S.A. and that no song will wake up a sleepy American bar faster than those words "In 1814, we took a little trip..."
In early 2008, I started a [link-->] discussion thread at Amazon.scum proposing this very idea, and it was through that discussion thread that I virtually "met" and developed friendships with Mr. Sheboyganboy Six, and Lee Jackson who later became the blogger known as Arlee Bird of ‘Tossing It Out’

I was banned by Amazon.scum, and soon afterwards, I started blogging. Arlee decided to take up blogging after seeing that I had and the idea of it appealed to him. So, if you know and like Arlee Bird, you probably have the song 'The Battle Of New Orleans' to thank for that.
Both videos presented below are cleverly made, but remember that this Battle is all about the audio and not about the visuals.

OK, let's hear the song that gave you Arlee Bird:
In 1814, we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans...


You may not be familiar with the name DON HELMS, but you can be sure that all Country musicians and major Country music fans are! Helms was the steel guitarist of the 'Drifting Cowboys' band which backed Hank Williams and played a significant part in Hank's sound which played such a monumental part in the development of the classic Country sound.

Bill Lloyd, the curator of stringed instruments at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, said of Don Helms' guitar style and sound: “It is the quintessential honky-tonk steel sound — tuneful, aggressive, full of attitude.”

And of course we all know it was HANK WILLIAMS who essentially created the template for the hard-drinking, Country music hellion persona. No one drank more and raised more hell than Hank Williams did. (His son, HANK "BOCEPHUS" WILLIAMS, JR., probably comes pretty close though. I attended one of his Los Angeles concerts in 1994, and Hank Williams, Jr., seemed to really enjoy performing. He may have even been drunker'n I was - and, hell, I was loaded up on El Coyote's legendary, high-octane Margaritas!)


After Hank Williams died in 1953, Mr. Don Helms embarked on a long career as a performer and songwriter. His guitar can be heard on the Patsy Cline hit "Walking After Midnight." In his later years, he did recording sessions with younger musicians like Rascal Flatts, Bon Jovi and Kid Rock. At the time of his death he was working with Vince Gill on an album of uncompleted Hank Williams songs. Helms died on August 11, 2008 in Nashville, Tennessee.

Helms also worked for the son, HANK "BOCEPHUS" WILLIAMS, JR., and on Junior's (excellent) 1981 album 'The Pressure Is On', he and Bocephus performed a duet titled 'THE BALLAD OF HANK WILLIAMS'. It's a funny parody of 'THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS'. Listen and tell me which recording you like better, the one by Johnny Horton or the parody duet by Hank Williams, Jr., and Don Helms.
In the 2+ years of 'Battle Of The Bands' history, so far, only one performer has ever beaten Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong in a musical Battle, and that performer was "Bocephus". Can he manage another improbable victory against the classic hit by Johnny Horton? We shall see...

Three things you need to know before proceeding, however, are... 1) The mention of "THE OPRY" refers to the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville which, way back when, was the epicenter of Country-Western music. 2) "AUDREY" (Sheppard) was Hank Williams' first wife. And 3) [Link-->] "FAMILY TRADITION" is actually the name of a Bocephus hit that peaked at #4, and is one of his most popular songs.

Hank "Bocephus" Williams, Jr.: Don, tell us how it really was 
when you was working with daddy.

Don Helms: Well, in 1950, I took a little nip
Along with Mr. Williams on the way to Mississip
We was stacked 8-deep in a Packard limousine
And we met this promoter in the town of New Orleans...

'THE BALLAD OF HANK WILLIAMS' by Hank "Bocephus" Williams, Jr.

Alright now, “you know the gig”... I welcome you (whoever you are) to vote for your favorite of these songs in the comment section below. And feel free to tell us WHY you chose one song over the other. 

After voting here, I suggest - actually I insist - you pop over to the blogs of the other 'BATTLE OF THE BANDS' participants to see which songs they have chosen and vote there also. (If their ‘BOTB’ blog bits aren’t posted yet, pour yourself a MARGARITA – do it twice – and then return to their blogs to vice your voice ...vote your vice ...voice your vote.)

Voice Your Vote @ ‘FAR AWAY SERIES’ by clicking HERE.
@ ‘TOSSING IT OUT’ by clicking HERE.
@ ‘YOUR DAILY DOSE’ by clicking HERE.
@ 'BOOK LOVER' by clicking HERE.
@ 'MIKE'S RAMBLINGS' by clicking HERE.
@ 'CURIOUS AS A CATHY' by clicking HERE.
@ 'THE DOGLADY'S DEN' by clicking HERE.
@ 'ANGELS BARK' by clicking HERE.
@ 'J.A. SCOTT' by clicking HERE.
@ 'NOVELBREWS' by clicking HERE.
@ 'QUIET LAUGHTER' by clicking HERE
@ 'BE REINVINTAGED' by clicking HERE.
@ 'HOLLI'S HOOTS & HOLLERS' by clicking HERE

As I've done in the past, I will continue to return to my 'BOTB' blog bits on the 7th and 21st of each month to post my own votes and announce the winners in the comment sections.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy 
DogGtor of Alcohology and King of Inebriation Nation


  1. I'll vote later. Promise. Had to show you a guy who is reviewing the beach boys catalog. I don't expect you to post this comment. http://www.johnmcferrinmusicreviews.org

    1. BR'ER MARC ~
      Thanks for the heads-up. Will check it out soon, my man.

      A Happy New Year to you and yourn!

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

  2. Well, I wondered when you might get to this song. It is indeed the start of our virtual friendship and the instigator of a great Amazon thread that got a lot of folks talking. It's weird to look back on that thread to see the conversation with your side eliminated throughout.

    The Bocephus version is fun, but it can never, never replace the Horton original. From the string pickin' start through the marching snare drum, Horton captured the essence of a time of American history.

    Don't see how Horton doesn't run away with all the votes. He certainly gets mine.

    Hope you have a better year this year. I can't complain about 2015 much as it was another decent year for me. Currently on the road home and suffering with an irritating cough that lingers from a bit of sickness I must have picked up from the grandkids or something. But it's getting better and in a couple more days I'll be home again. I'll slowly be making my way through this round of Battles as I travel. No better way to start a Battle than with a song about a Battle.


    1. -->... "It's weird to look back on that thread to see the conversation with your side eliminated throughout."

      That was typical of BigBitch.com (Amazon.scum). And everything I've read and heard about the company since then has only confirmed that for me.

      Here in Reno, I was working for a security company that provided protection for the Amazon warehouses / distribution centers here. To a man, every person who worked for them had NOTHING but negative things to say.

      Bottom line: It's an asshole company from the owner to the upper echelon management. Several mainstream articles that have been published illustrate that even mid-management personnel hates working for them.

      Well, I could say some political things but... I'll leave that out of this comment thread.

      YEP, LEE! It was just a matter of time, I suppose, before I got around to this famous song.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

  3. Al Bondigas here. I'm going to have to get back to you on this one. Need to hear them both a few more times, and give it some real thought. Man, this one's tough. I figure most people will go with the original, but, I find the parody so hysterically funny that I'm really struggling here. By the way, happy margarita day!!! I'll make a rulin' later.

    1. Yeah, this is a real toughie, JUDGE AL! The whole Bocephus parody is hilarious to me.

      And don't you just love that little laugh Hank lets out after Don says "...we started believing that fat sumbitch"?

      I'm not totally sure yet how I myself am going to vote on this one. Both are A+ recordings to me, and I could go either way with my vote, so I understand your conundrum. Do ya go with Classic or Hilarity?

      ~ D-FensDogG

  4. A ‘multi-leveled BTOB post with two songs that aren’t even the same!. Very clever.


    Hank Williams Jr’s. voice always comes booming through the jukebox speakers, but I like the clear lyrics of the original Johnny Horton version. I think I heard a reference to the famous quote, “Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes”. I wonder how far back that saying goes? 1066 A.D.? I would think the cavemen were saying that way back in the days when you had to hunt for your own Brontosaurus burgers.

    I will bet that those familiar with the original would probably vote for the parody duet, but since I haven’t heard the original more than two or three times, my vote goes to the original Horton version.

    It kind of has the same effect as a few Dropkick Murphy’s tunes in bars around these parts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj73KicRvSw (Sorry, too lazy to link properly). Of course, that reminds me of a line from the Grateful Dead’s ‘U.S. Blues’… “Gimme five, I'm still alive, ain't no luck, I learned to duck.” Something useful to remember on the battlefield and in a rowdy bar.

    Happy 2016,STM!


      Happy New Year to ya, Brotherman! (Did I tell ya I got yer E and will r-E-ply soon'z ah can?)

      Great comment! Love the anagrams. I think "CHOP SUE B" has to be my fav-o-rite. (Sheboyganboy 6 suggested one below. Check 'er out.)

      Horton hears a... vote (from you).

      Hank's voice, yeah, it's bigger'n life, just like the man behind it.

      Methinks "Don't chuck yer rock until you see the white of T-Rex's eyes" would lead to many caveman-dinners for the T-Rex. Ha! (It's no wonder man invented the gun. 'Too-Close' meant certain death for the hairy cave-dwellers. And, no, I'm not referring to Hippies in the 1960s.)

      Will check out that pseudo-link to the Dropkick Murphys this weekend and give ya some feedback on it.

      ~ D-FensDogG

  5. I like the version by Johnny Horton, and not just because of his name... XD

    But seriously, Hank Williams Jr's version wasn't the same song and wasn't anywhere as good of a history lesson. Give my vote to Johnny.

    1. Johnny Holton votes for Johnny Horton.

      Didn't see THAT ONE comin'! HA!

      Well, I think the Bocephus version is a pretty good history lesson about the inside scoop on Hank Williams, but... OK. Fair enuf.

      ~ D-FensDogG

  6. Sorry to hear that 2015 was crap for you but now we are in 2016 so it should be a whole lot better! Did you hear that Wayne Rogers died? You didn't work with him but he did star on MASH. Also Natalie Cole died which is such a shame-I wonder if anyone did a BOTB post with her in it-will find out. I have to give it to Johnny Horton. He is so great and the parody version was very funny but the music seemed to go a little frenetic in places plus I did not care as much for the lead vocals. Give it to Horton for me. As for a Margarita-Back in 2006, I went to Panama and had way too many of those. From that I somehow fell in the pool and now have my "Panama Margarita hand." An injury stemming from too much fun:)

    1. BIRGIT, m'dear! ~
      I am totally with you on 2016! It's gonna be better, for sure. (It HAS to be! Well, for one thing, I know I won't be moving to Reno, Nevada, in 2016. So, automatically, it WILL be better.)

      No, I didn't hear about Wayne Rogers dying. And you're right, I didn't work with him. BUT... my Dad met him. My Pa was just a household appliances salesman in Los Angeles. But one day Wayne Rogers came into the store to buy something, and my Pa later told me that he was an incredibly nice guy. He was totally down-to-earth and was asking my Dad a bunch of questions about his job and his life and seemed very sincere in his interest.

      My Pa was no dummy - plenty of street smarts, and he'd been around the block numerous times - he wasn't the guy you could fool with a facade, and he came away very much impressed with the "person" that Wayne Rogers was. I've always liked Wayne Rogers ever since my Pa related that experience to me.

      Didn't hear about Natalie Cole either. Too bad! I think she was a terrific singer (I liked her even better'n her old man). I used her in a BOTB against her Pop, the "King" Cole, 11 Battles ago. She lost, but she made a respectable showing and got my own vote in that contest.

      Just a week ago, a local radio station played one of her Christmas songs and I thought it was damned good!

      A "PANAMA MARGARITA HAND" injury. Ha! I love it! I have an "Arizona Grand Marnier Right-Ring-Finger" injury.

      Show me a person with no drinking scar, and I'll show you a non-drinkin' mofo.


      ~ D-FensDogG

  7. You have some great comments about the battle so far. As I write this, Johnny Baby is running away with it.

    This song is indeed "where it all began" for my friendship with you and Lee. Because of this song and the "Big Bitch" (as you call Amazon) comment thread, I have made other friends among your blogger buddies, also.

    In spite of those bonus points that accrue to the Horton version, the HW-JR version is just a plain ol' hoot and it gets my vote.

    I'm not sure you ever convinced me that this song is THE most universally liked song ever... in fact, I'm sure that I DON'T agree there. But, it is a great song. I'll agree with another person also that the two versions are NOT the same song.

    I just found myself smiling and chuckling all through the Williams version, and the pure fun of it wins for me.

    I ALMOST suggested that FAE do a battle using the original just to tweek your nose, but my better angels won out.

    Oh... and Sig missed PHUC SOBE. Probably he felt it was too scatological, of perhaps he likes the flavor of 'em.


      -->... "You have some great comments about the battle so far."

      It may be a NEW year,
      But I STILL have the best commenters
      In the Blogosphere!

      Oh, man, I THANK YOU! Finally, someone voted for BOCEPHUS. WTH?!

      I didn't necessarily think Hank Junior would win this Battle, but I did tell Nappy last week that I thought it should be a "Photo-Finish".

      I can't even believe it was a shutout for the first 4 straight votes.

      I also can't believe that several of y'all have said it's "not the same song". Well, yes, it's not the EXACT same song because the lyrics had to be changed in order to turn it into a funny parody.

      But in terms of the beat / the musical meter, it's the same song. You can sing the words of the Johnny Horton original over the verses and chorus of the Bocephus parody and they match.

      I bought the Bocephus album 'THE PRESSURE IS ON' circa 1989, and I bought it based on two songs from it that I'd heard on compilation albums.

      So, the first time I ever heard 'THE BALLAD OF HANK WILLIAMS' I had no idea what it was or what it would sound like. And inside of 20 seconds I knew it was a parody of Horton's 'THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS'. I mean, it was clearly the same song, but with different, funny-as-hell, lyrics. And I'm stunned that others aren't picking that out.


      "'Cause he'd run through a ten, and he'd run through a twenty, and he'd run through a hundred just as hard as he could go."

      That's obviously a play on...

      "And they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles, and they ran through the places where a rabbit couldn't go."

      How is this NOT the same song? Hell, even "Wackypedia" (notorious for getting things wrong) got it right.

      I liked your PHUC SOBE anagram. Except for the fact that I actually like SOBEs. So much so that when I went to the grocery store next door about 90 minutes ago, to buy a can of Blackeyed Peas, I also picked up some SOBEs. (I especially like the Pina Colada flavor. And not just because it's white. ...Hell, I might as well play the racist card since people are gonna start thinking I'm one anyway, right? ...I mean, "white"?:-)

      See my forthcoming response to MICHELE TRUHLIK below...

      Thanks for your vote, man. A vote for Bocephus seemed like it was a long time coming!

      (John Wayne!-John Wayne!)

      ~ D-FensDogG

  8. A battle with a song about a battle: very cool! I have to say I like the Bocephus version better than Johnny Horton's version. I know I should probably be cast from society for not liking the original. It's not that I didn't appreciate the original but I just like the other version better. Put my vote there.

    I hope 2016 is a much better year for you. Be sure to eat Black Eyed Peas today for luck! :)
    Happy New Year Stephen!

    Michele at Angels Bark

    1. MICHELE ~

      -->... "A battle with a song about a battle: very cool!"

      I have to be honest: I'm an unrecognized genius, but I only lucked into that one. I wasn't even thinking about that connection until Arlee Bird mentioned it. I'd love to pretend that I pre-conceived it that way but... I'd be lyin'. (I'm still a genius though, and if you don't believe that, just Email me and axe me if it's true. I'll be honest with you, just as sure as your name is TRUH...[lik].)

      Hey, no need to cast you from society. (Well, first of all, society sukz, so you'd be lucky to be cast from it.) BOTH recordings of this song are flat-out GREAT, and even I am not 100% sure which I will vote for yet. So... you got nuttin' to be ashamed of voting for the Bocephus parody which, I think, may be the funniest song of all time! Of course, only a parody based on a true classic could achieve that status.

      BLACKEYED PEAS on New Year's Day for luck? Is that a thing? (My good friend, Bryan, of the blog 'A Beer For The Shower' asked me earlier today if that was "a thing?" when he learned that New Year's Day is REALLY "Margarita Day".)

      I never heard of 'Blackeyed Peas Day' before but, HELL, things have been so bad for so long that I'm willing to try anything!

      In all seriousness, within 15 minutes of reading your comment here, I went to the grocery store next door and I bought a can of BLACKEYED PEAS.

      It's true that I already had a can or two of Blackeyed Peas in my cupboard. But THOSE were bought in 2015, and no-frickin'-way was I going to eat 2015 Blackeyed Peas on January 1st, 2016. I may be a fool, but I ain't fallin' for the old banana in the tail pipe (OR, the old Blacked Peas in the New Year...) trick!

      So, I went to the store, bought some 2016 BLACKEYED PEAS, brought them home and immediately heated them up in the microwave and "eated" them peas. (While I was in the store, I also bought some bottles of SOBE... see Sheboyganboy Six's comment above.)

      The funny thing is that at first I couldn't find any Blackeyed Peas on the shelf, so I asked the store manager about them. He said that he thought he had some, although they may have sold 'em out because a lot of people had been recently asking for them. ...Apparently this "Blackeyed Peas on New Year's Day for luck THING" is a "thing".

      Fortunately for me, the manager found some cases of the BEPs and I bought 2 cans. Ate one. Might eat the other before I go to bed. ...I need all the beany help I can get. And I live alone, so... no one but me needs to know.

      Thanks for the magic, Magic Michele! You're a gas! [:o)

      ~ D-FensDogG

  9. ~D-FensDogG, you've done it now... brought back some real happy times of yesteryear, yep.

    In Junior High, I had a history teacher who played this song. We were required to learn every word for a coming test. He was so gorgeous, I didn't dare miss the chance of an A+. I wanted to shine - silly girl... he was 15 years my senior, but who cared? I learned it well.

    Fast forward some 8 years later. I'm sitting in my favorite bar & pool hall, known affectionately as, "Paleface Lounge." It's closing time and someone dropped a coin for Horton's song. Missed the man but I still knew the words!

    Bocephus' version is funny but my money and memories will forever take me back to "Mr. Johnson," um, I mean, Mr. Horton. He gets my vote.

    Great post up - I had a few laughs, in addition to my hunky memories, (smile).

    Thanks for sharing Arlee and SBB6 - bonus points!

    Happy Margarita Day, 2016!

      Happy Margarita Day to you, too! (YES, it IS "a thing"! "A tradition since 1986, except for 1994." And if that's not the funniest slogan ever, I'll eat my Stetson!)

      Totally loved yer comment. It so personalized the Battle.

      Yes, it's true that so far I'm a bit bummed that this isn't the nail-biting Battle I expected it would be, but most of all, I want HONEST votes. And your vote wasn't just honest but filled with personal memories and anecdotes that gave the Battle xtra oomph! (Not sure what that means, but it looks pretty cool... unless "xtra oomph!" happens to be "SOoooo 2015".)

      Funny about you having a crush on your "old" teacher. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a crush on my teacher who must have been 30, or close to it. I thought she was hot. Not "Catwoman (Julie Newmar) hot", but still plenty hot!

      Julie New-...Mmmmmmm...-ar. MEow!

      When we're young, that seems great, but then we get older and think: "Eeeew! That creep is hitting on me and they're, like, ten years older than I am! What a freak!"

      Life is strange.
      Glad you enjoyed my Battle, Dixie!

      ~ D-FensDogG

  10. Going with The original. Johnny Horton. Loved the song as a youngster, and it still brings a smile to my face.

    1. Same here, MARY. I loved it as a child, and I love it as a man-child.

      ~ D-FensDogG

  11. This is a great, great pairing! Normally, Hank Jr. would take my vote. He's just wild and cantankerous enough to get my attention and make me laugh along the way.

    But not today! HORTON gets it!

    I can't get past my love of the original and dang it, I tried. Sorry for the rough language (ha ha).

    1. DOC CHERDO ~
      [Yeah, yer still "Doc Cherdo" until a great new nickname referencing your ancient age comes to me. Hmmm... 'Ancient Age' is the name of a whiskey brand. As Winnie-The-Pooh says to himself: "Think! Think!..."]

      Horton hears a... 'nother vote, from you, no less.

      That's OK. At least you did acknowledge that Hank Junior is "wild and cantankerous". He is THAT. In fact, he even released an album titled 'WILD STREAK'. I never owned that particular one, although I am a big Bocephus fan. I've got his best stuffs on several compilation CDs, plus a couple original album releases that are simply "must-haves" (like 'The Pressure Is On').

      And, yeah, Hank Junior is a funny guy! He's recorded several really humorous songs.

      I don't mind your vote, but I'm gonna need you to curb that "rough language" from now on, missy! This a a family-friendly blog and I'm gonna have to ban you if you keep tossing all them "dangs" around. The first time you write "dagnab-it", you're outta here.

      ~ D-FensDogG

  12. Johnny Horton gets my vote. I love the beat and it does get the toe tapping. . . I know about the reps of both Hanks and that song is funny, but it doesn't beat the all-fired-up beat of the original!

    1. HAPPY NEW YEAR, D.G.!

      Thanks for stopping by with a vote.

      I hope you have a peaceful and joyful 2016. (Is it possible to have peaceful and joyful at the same time? If not... then let it be peaceful. ...Unless you prefer joyful.)

      ~ D-FensDogG

  13. Stephen - Though Horton's version made me want to grab my jug and join in with The Darling family, my vote goes to Bocephus. Great story about how the original song brought you together with Lee!
    Happy and healthy New Year, my friend! I know things will be brighter for you in 2016!


    1. -->... "Happy and healthy New Year, my friend! I know things will be brighter for you in 2016!

      Yeah, I think so, too. "Brighter" AND hotter... because I might move back to Phoenix.

      There's just too much booze in this city. It's not healthy. I need to move to a place with less bars and less liquor stores.

      Thanks for the good wish, my good friend.

      -->... "grab my jug and join in with The Darling family..."

      Ha! That's "GR-R-REAT!" You really do know da show!

      Here we are a year down the road from 2015, and yer STILL a GEM!

      ~ D-FensDogG

  14. Leave it to me to find out about Margarita Day until it's over... Can I make it up? I could drink margaritas all day today and tomorrow, for instance ;)

    Sorry about 2015, Stephen. There are crappy years and then there are crappy years... Glad this one's over for you. If anything resembling cosmic balance exists, 2016 will be an outstanding year for you :)

    I'm going with the Bocephus "remix". Yes, I know Horton's is the original, and it's a fabulous song with a fabulous arrangement... But the Jr's version is just so much fun.

    Great Battle!
    Guilie @ Quiet Laughter

    1. GUILIE ~
      Ha! Yeah, have it! And get started early 'cause you gotta lotta catchin' up to do.

      To paraphrase a great line from Warren Zevon's greatest zong...

      "All the salty Margaritas in Reno,
      I'm gonna drink 'em up."

      But you can have all the ones where you are, Sister.

      Tequila... it's only good for 2 things: 1) Margaritas, and 2) a place to stand in a Mexican jail cell. The sad part is that the one leads to the other.

      Thanks, Guilie. I could really use an "outstanding" year right about now. I'm way past overdue. It's been about 70 dog years since I've had one.

      Do my eyes deceive me? Two votes in a row for Bocephus?! Well, consarn it all, it IS "just so much fun", isn't it? Thanks for keeping Junior in the race, Guilie.

      I hope you have an outstanding year also!

      ~ Steph-*hic!*-en

      POSTSCRIPT: Don't tell that foul-mouthed Cherdo that I used "consarn it", or she'll start tossing that one around soon, too.

  15. Well, you were right, this is a tough one. We both really like both versions. After much thinking* we've decided to vote one and one. Not saying who is whom, because we can't say either. But it's only fair.


    Oh, and I celebrated Margarita Day by having a Bud Light Lime-A-Rita. Mmm, mmm, just like the real thing!

    ...Kidding, kidding. I just wanted you to question my tastes for a moment.


    1. Lime-A-Rita... just like the real thang?

      For a second, I almost deleted your comment. Was gonna send you a "Ka-Blooey!" disguised as a Waylon T-shirt.

      But then I remembered it was you and thought: Naw! He can't be serious.

      Nice 'Beer Boys Bundled Weasel Wrasslin' Escape Move'. It didn't help out either man in the ring but... Nappy and I may have to stea- ...er- "BORROW" it.

      "Less Thinking, More Drinking!"

      ~ Stephen
      DogGtor of Alcohology and
      King of Inebriation Nation

  16. Hi Stephen T! Happy New Year...May 2016 be blissfully fabulous for you! (Please pretend as if I wrote the same comment here as the one I wrote in your Christmas post!)

    1. BECKY-O! ~
      "Blissfully fabulous"?
      Yeah, I think I could live with that. And if it's good enough for me, it should be good enough for you. Therefore, I send that same wish right back atcha, my friend!

      ~ D-FensDogG

  17. Al Bondigas here. Well, I guess I need to make a rulin' sometime. I love the "Battle of Hank Williams" as much as you do. You know that, right? We have so much fun using lines from that song in our conversations and in our texts that it actually makes me a little sad not rulin' in it's favor. But, we have such a history and so many fond memories of the Johnny Horton original that I have to give it the nod. I'll never forget that night in The Cattleman's, and of course the record sleeve just floods my mind with memories of such a wonderful childhood we had. And besides, I really do love that tune. Last week I thought I was going to rule for Bocephus, but, after much internal deliberating in my chambers, this judge had to rule with sound judgement, seasoned wisdom and morally clarity. Johnny Horton gets my vote. That's it!! That's my rulin'.

    1. JUDGE AL ~

      >>... I love the "Battle of Hank Williams" as much as you do. You know that, right?

      Right, right.

      You know, it really IS kind of sad seeing you have to cast this vo-- er,... rulin'. I'm sorry I put you in this position, and I now regret that I even put this BOTB together. This was protly one better left to the imagination.

      Worst of all is that in a few days, I'm going to have to cast a vote here, also. And I don't look forward to having to vote AGAINST either of these two songs.

      Damn! Why did I have to go and do this thing?

      ~ D-FensDogG

    2. Well, that's what you do. You're the type that always has to push the envelope.

    3. I meant to say moral clarity. Right, right.

    4. Yeah, I s'pose so. And sometimes I regret it later.

      In the whole history of BOTB, there have been, I think, 5 times where it hurt me to vote (because I so hated to vote against one of the contestants). And 4 of those 5 Battles were ones I myself put together. This being one of them. (The one I didn't create was an old Battle ARLEE BIRD constructed, when he put Stan Getz against Brian Auger. That was one of the all-time classic BOTB installments.)

      Go Kurtinals!

      ~ D-FensDogG

  18. The first time I heard this song was about ten years ago. And... oh what a rendition it was. Yeah, there's a story here and I mean to tell it.

    I went regular to this karaoke bar when my ex and I were married (and still sing karaoke, but not there...). Anyway, there was a really nice fella that liked to go there only he was a bit different. He dressed like a lady. Much nicer than anything I'd wear... hmmm. Maybe I should rethink my wardrobe. Well, that's another story.

    THIS song was one that he/she liked to sing. The pronouns get confusing for me. It always cracked me up because this is clearly a man's song. I mean I sing songs that are originally sung by guys (sometimes) but never ones that are just so masculine that they ooze testosterone. And The Battle of New Orleans oozes. So, it tickled my funny bone to see a man dressed like a lady (in a dress and high heels, no less) belting The Battle of New Orleans in what can only be described as a bass voice. (The only thing funnier was when he/she sang Stand By Your Man, but that's another story...)

    There. Now you know my history with The Battle of New Orleans.

    Holy moley. The Battle of Hank Williams. Never heard that until today, but I laughed all the way through. In fact, I fully intend to play it again after I finish up this comment. Every time he gets to the bit of Hank firing everyone... including some he didn't know just makes me guffaw. Yeah, I said guffaw. Hilarious.

    My vote goes to the parody. Don and Hank did an excellent job. Those lyrics are top notch and embrace the style and sound of the original, with the additional element of being very funny.

    1. GIRL WONDER ~
      Your comment was hilarious! HILARIOUS, I tell ya! And I'm pleased as Spiked Punch that you meant to tell that story here ("come snow or high water").

      I LITERALLY laughed-out-loud reading yer comment, because I could visualize so well everything you were describing. And just when I thought I was done LITERALLY laughing-out-loud, I got to 'STAND BY YOUR MAN', and it started again.

      Honestly, I thought the only two places one might encounter a he-she singing those songs in dress and high-heels would have been bars in Venice Beach or West Los Angeles.

      Have you ever seen the movie 'A MIGHTY WIND'? If not, waste no time in doing so. What you described reminded me of a certain scene in that hysterically funny movie (brought to you by the same blokes who gave you 'THIS IS SPINAL TAP'.)

      'A MIGHTY WIND' may not "go up to eleven", but it definitely goes up to ten. See it. See it SOON! And then tell me how thankful you are that I recommended it.

      Yes, 'THE BALLAD OF HANK WILLIAMS' is a hoot 'n' a half! As many times as I've heard it, it still makes me laugh-out-loud.

      Every single thing about that song is FUNNY. But one of my favorite parts is when Hank tries to tell Don...

      "Well, every song he made, it went to Number One. Y'all was working like hell and you was having fun."

      Then Don comes in with the correction...

      "We was riding every day and playing every night, and every twenty minutes some of us had a fight."

      What's funnier than that?

      If anything, maybe "Right, right."

      ~ D-FensDogG

  19. Hey Stephen!! I cant tell you how happy i am to visit this battle. I loved this song. I knew every word to this song and sang it all the time when i was 10 years old. In fact, i'm cracking up while i'm typing this because i have memories of my cousin and i doing reenactments of this song. We had our fake guns and i wore a raccoon hat. ( KEEP IN MIND I GREW UP IN EAST TEXAS). So many of my friends now have never even heard of this song. Another favorite we're talking about is Bocephus! Oh he was a staple in our home and we had every 8 track and album and cassette of him. I'm currently trying to get tickets to see him in Choctaw , Oklahoma next month. My vote goes to Junior!!

    1. HEY-YEAH, HOLLI! ~
      Loved yer comment, gal!

      I never did reenactments of 'THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS' as a kid, but I was definitely listening to it back then. AND!... I also had a raccoon hat. Davy Crockett, ya know! I'm from that Disney era! (And I was born and raised in the Los Angeles area. The coonskin cap crossed all states!)

      Get them BOCEPHUS tickets! You seen him before? If not, make double-sure you get them tickets!!

      Bocephus is making a late run here, and turning this Battle into a genuine "battle". Thanks for yer help, Holli!

      ~ D-FensDogG

  20. I had to come back a few times to read and listen to this WHOLE post (not that I minded how windy it was). Lots of smiles in it, for sure.

    I'd disagree that BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS is the song most likely to stir up a lazy bar crowd though. FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES (Garth Brooks) seems a better candidate. Or Toby Kieth's I LOVE THIS BAR. One of my current favorites isn't a country song at all, but has the right tone and sentiments: S O B by Nathanial Ratcliff and the Night Sweats.

    I'd love a dance with Nathaniel; it'd kill me and I may need to switch to some spiced rum to revive afterwards, but what a way to die of a heart attack! Yes?

    But, the Battle of New Orleans is a great song; and lots of fun to sing and listen to. Really gets the hands clapping, feet tapping. Give a rebel yell :)

    Who hasn't heard of Don Helm? Awesome artist. As awesome as Bocephus. (And Arlee and Sheboy and yourself of course. Loved the story of how you met and have remained friends. Cool beans and bacon.)

    Hank Jr's version sounded more like Asleep At The Wheel's HOT ROD LINCOLN. I liked the Hank battle song, so much fun; but I like the original Johnny Battle much more. I could listen to those two play and sing together all day; not sure I'd listen as well to Johnny. But for this "battle" I'll give it to Johnny.

    Well, been here long enough to need a glass of wine. Hopefully 2016 develops into a good year. Its looking up for me too.

    See ya later Dude!!

    1. I recommended "SOB" by Nathanial Ratcliff & the Night Sweats to Stephen about six months ago, as it is a song I think he'd like. And there are darned few of those he and I can agree on!

      But I don't think he ever listened to it! Perhaps TWO of us can convince him!

    2. We be in good company Sir! We shall overcome :)

    3. OH DONNA ~
      I'm sick and tired and drunk, and you s'pect me to resply to that?

      And you called me "windy" when in fact I haven't farted since the last time I ate beans... nearly 14 hours ago?

      It's a good thing for you that Christmas just passed, 'cause you'd be goin' on the Stephen Claus "Bad Girls" list (as if that would be a new experience for you, huh?)

      Garth is a piker.
      Toby is a commercial for a commercial establishment.
      And Nathanial Ratcliff and the Night Sweats is a fat rat hanging out with a bunch of guys who need to wear more deoderant.

      OK, semi-seriously, I watched that video, and here's what I came away with: Nat Rat moves pretty good for a guy who consumes too many calories, but I couldn't understand more than 8% of the lyrics. How can I laff if I don't know what yer sayin'/singin'?

      [I will actually seek out a studio recording, and even Google the lyrics, to see if I'd like it better under better circumstances. But right now, it's... not even in Johnny Horton's league in saloon-song terms, for me anyway.]

      Thanks for your lovely comment and vote. I appreciated them, so there's no reason to take your permanent ban from this blog personally. I'm just on "the rag".

      If you fill out the re-application application in triplicate, and beg for mercy, I might let you vote here again, but not before January 15th, under any circumstances.

      Also, my work schedule may have finally become what I was promised 6 weeks ago that it would become in two weeks. If that's so, we could meet for a lowfat buttermilk during your February trip through "The Biggest Little Hellhole In The World".

      Start workin' on that app...

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'The Biggest Little Blogger In The World'

    4. SBB-6 ~
      I don't remember you recommending the song. And I don't remember hearing it prior to Oh Donna's URL.

      But if I did hear it when you mentioned it, it stuck with me like a Chinese dinner.

      Not surprised are you?

      Tell ya what... drink yer weight a thousand times, in ten thousand bars, and then get back to me with suggestions about great saloon songs.

      If there's ONE expert at Blogspot.com on great saloon songs, my dead liver is it! :O)

      ~ D-FensDogG

    5. As I recall, the link didn't work for you and you were too busy to try to find one that worked. Plus, you probably figured that my musical taste was so bad it was not worth the effort.

      But this band is an authentic and manly band with good musicians. And very few bands these days feature even ONE of those qualities.

      Plus, S.O.B. is about drinking! I figured you'd like that. But since I don't drink, I have NO CLUE about what would be a good song for bar participation.

      Ha! I was jus' jokin' around, obviously. I was in a jocular mood last night because I finally have a decent work schedule, and not every waking minute will be spent "on the clock" from now on.

      So, I was "giving the business" to everyone last night.

      But, soon as I get the chance, I will listen to 'S.O.B.' again (a cleaner studio recording, which IS available at YouTube - I checked) and I'll pay attention to the lyrics.

      From what I could tell by only one listen to a rough live recording, I think the song really may have potential. But, to tell ya the truth, I couldn't understand any of the words and so I didn't even know it was about drinking until you just said so here.

      Yak soon, Bro...

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Remember that double CD you gave me once titled 'THE GREATEST COUNTRY DRINKING SONGS'? There are some really good ones on that!

      One thing about 'THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS' that I like though is the fact that it's not at all about drinking. It just happens to play so well in a bar. It's a rousing number that has a good beat and you can really drink to it.

      ~ D-FensDogG

  21. Stehehehehephen, I am in Yosemite with poor download speeds (choppy songs) so I am unable to participate in this BOTB as I won't be able to vote until 01/07/16. Yosemite is cohohohohold but beautiful and not so crowded. I do remember the Battle of New Orleans and it is quite a catchy tune but I am unfamiliar with Mr. Williams Jr's song (if you been had played it in the past, forgive me as I cannot remember). General Pooh Re Gard

    1. AH-HHH-H, FA-AAA-AG!
      I was counting on you to vote for Bocephus, Mister-15-Vacations-Per-Year-Workaholic!

      I liked you better when you were Mr. AL COE HOLIC.

      ~ Mr. I. B. IntenselymaddogG

    2. Oh the life of those who work for the government. Sorry I missed the cutoff. Looks like my vote wouldn't have tipped the scales. A belated Happy Margarita Day! Not to be confused with the 99 cent club. Oh the good old days we were drinkng to forget at the time. Alas, the Azteca is now a Califonria Chicken Cafe, it could have been worse, it could have been a California Pizza Kitchen. Tops is now a Starbucks. I say tops because we made it over there one Margarita day, not sure if you were with us, Mike W. and Doug were. Mike had one of those plastic bugles and used it as an alarm clock for an outdoorsman. Funny at the time and alot of mileage on the story (ask Al) perhaps a bit cruel now that time has filtered it. Nonetheless, I wish you a happy new year filled with faith, family, and fun. Another way to say it is have a happy F'n New Year. (you heard it here first)

    3. ...AND POOH ~
      Yeah, my heart breaks for you guvment guys. I'll pray for ya, Brother.

      Hey, I've only been in a California Pizza Kitchen once (it used to be at that mall near the Hard Rock Cafe - forget the name) and I thought it was pretty good.

      I remember that day with the plastic bugle. They were blowing it all day and annoying the crap out of everyone with it. Didn't one of those idjits blow it in the face of some wino asleep on the sidewalk?

      I may have been a drunk, but I had a little class ...(once or twice).

      Alright, Poohregard, you owe me a vote for the January 15th Battle. Then I'll forgive and forget.

      ~ D-FensDogG

    4. "Outdoorsman" was my way of saying wino asleep on the sidewalk and where I now see the cruelty of it all. Poor outdoorsman tryig to get some shut eye and along come younger versions of such with more energy and less sense. Now CCC vs CPK. CCC is a chain but small potatoes compared to the corporate CPK. Now back to the 99 cent club at the Azteca, what were we doing drinking that early in the day? I suppose Willie Nelson drove us to it. Barbarosa!

    5. >>... along come younger versions of such with more energy and less sense.

      Well, we weren't winos. We were beeros, and rummies, and Sons of Jack. Although, yes, we did need to consume a short dog every once in awhile, just to keep it real. (I preferred Night Train, but nuttin' wrong with a Thunderbird elevator ride up, and then the free-fall down the shaft.)

      >>... Now back to the 99 cent club at the Azteca, what were we doing drinking that early in the day?

      Well, I'm still a firm believer that every morning should begin with a .99 Cent Margarita and Willie Nelson singing 'ALWAYS ON MY MIND'. Dude, that's the new American Way! ...Or should be, anyway.

      ~ Stephen

  22. Can I vote for Margaritas? My vote is for Hank Jrs it was fun to listen too. I thought I was going to vote or Mr. Horton but the bits in the other song moved my vote.

    1. MIKE, if you had voted for Johnny Horton, I really would have chocked you up as a vote for MARGARITAS.

      But since you voted BOCEPHUS... that vote stands.

      [Yeah, I make up the BOTB voting rules here as I please. Basically, I'm the Barack Obama of this blog. And I have the very fake birth certificate to prove it!]

      ~ D-FensDogG

  23. Replies
    1. Too late.
      But I still love ya, BR'ER.

      ~ D-FensDogG

  24. I have to go with Johnny Horton for more than one reason. My dad absolutely loved the song and I think of him any time I hear the song played. The other song was humorous, but I have to vote for the original.

  25. PS - Why were you banned? I went to the link but couldn't really figure out what they were up in arms about.

    1. JEFFREY ~
      I was banned by Amazon for a number of reasons, none of which they publicly or privately admitted. In other words, they ABSOLUTELY REFUSED TO EVER TELL ME WHY THEY HAD BANNED ME.

      For one thing, it's a disgusting, pseudo-Socialist-owned organization, and I am a very vocal (and very educated) Constitutionalist.

      Honestly, they never had the courage to to tell me or anyone else why they banned me, but I know perfectly well why: I was way too informed, and way too effective in destroying Liberals in debates while exposing the truth about "The New World Order". They had to get rid of me because the Libs were getting clobbered on their website, which multi-millions of people were reading. And that's not just my opinion, but the opinion of outside viewers who saw what was happening and told me later that they shared this view.

      In essence, I was just too good at what I did, and I was just too entertaining while doing it. I was winning converts to Constitutionalism with my Product Reviews and my humorous rebuttals to antagonistic commenters, and the Amazon leadership couldn't let it continue.

      If you want all the details, let me know and I can link you to blog posts that explained the entire thing from A To Z.

      Thanks for your vote, Brother.

      ~ D-FensDogG

      POSTSCRIPT: Jeffrey, the stuffs in the Discussion Thread found at that link were not relevant to why they banned me. (No wonder you couldn't figure out what they were up in arms about.)

      When they banned me, they - with the click of one button - deleted every comment I'd left on any review and any Discussion Thread, regardless of the subject and regardless of the content of my comment. That's how they made me disappear TOTALLY from their website in those respects.

      Their goal was to eradicate every comment I'd ever left - no matter what it said and no matter what it was about... politics, religion, Karen Carpenter, Western movies... it all got deleted at the same moment on the same date. Years and years worth of writing.

      They left my reviews standing, however, because they knew my reviews were hugely popular, and they would help them sell more products.

      Amazon.com is deplorable and a tool of establishment propaganda, and it should be boycotted out of existence.

  26. This is proving to be way more difficult than I expected. I love Johnny Horton and can sing right along without missing a single word. I had never heard the Bocephus tribute to his Daddy before and it had me rolling in the aisles. Very cleaver and totally giggle-worthy.

    I'm not so sure that TBONO is the best bar song ever but if certainly would be up there. (I have to agree with Donna and SB6 the newer 'SOB' song is hilarious and would certainly make a rousing 'bar song'.)

    In the end my heart belongs to Johnny Horton and the original Battle of New Orleans...after all 'they ran through the bramble, they ran through the briar, they ran through the places where a rabbit wouldn't go. They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em'...so to my ears, neither could Bocephus and Co., although they gave it a mighty try.

    FYI - Johnny Horton did another favorite of mine attached to a movie that just barely didn't make my list of the top 25. That would be 'North to Alaska' - movie and song of the same name.

    1. >>... In the end my heart belongs to Johnny Horton and the original Battle of New Orleans

      Well, that's pretty disappointing, as I thought your heart belonged to me.

      >>... after all 'they ran through the bramble, they ran through the briar, they ran through the places where a rabbit wouldn't go. They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em'...so to my ears, neither could Bocephus and Co.

      Well, I think it's safe to say that BOCEPHUS AND CO. wouldn't have even TRIED to catch 'em. They just would have shot 'em in the asses as they ran away.

      Why set the dogs on 'em when buckshot travels as far and faster?

      I already had you counted as a vote for Bocephus. ...I guess you know that means you're banned too. You and Oh Donna can run through the briars and the brambles until you come to your senses.

      Fill out the re-application application in triplicate and I'll think about reinstating you in time to vote on my Jan. 15th BOTB installment.

      'NORTH TO ALASKA' was a GREAT movie! Whoduh thunk THE DUKE could be so entertaining in a comedy? Truly, one of my very favorite John Wayne movies. (Even though Fabian was pretty hard to watch. No James Dean, that boy!)

      ~ Stephen
      'Loyal American Underground'

  27. I know I'm late to this party, but give my vote to Hank Jr (if it's not too late). I musically love all three generations of Hanks - have you ever seen Hank III? Like seeing a ghost, and he sounds SO MUCH like Hank Sr. on his country stuff.

    1. KIM, it's NEVER "too late" to vote for Bocephus! Shit, I'd leave this Battle open until 'The Twelfth Of Never' if I thought Bocephus might win it by doing so!

      Thanks for your late, great vote!

      ~ D-FensDogG

    If you are interested in seeing the final vote tally for this 'BATTLE OF THE BANDS' installment and my closing thoughts on it, please click (Link:->) HERE.

    Or you can put the following URL into your browser:


    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'


All submitted comments that do not transgress "Ye Olde Comment Policy" will be posted and responded to as soon as possible. Thanks for taking the time to comment.