"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."
~ Dylan Thomas
"I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three and a half weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet!"
~ Sam Kinison
The following is a true story, and while you're watching it unwind itself, you might as well listen to Todd Snider singing 'BEER RUN'. It's a live recording. I'm not sure if he had his dog on stage next to him at the time, but very often he does. Well-behaved dog, too! Claps his paws in all the appropriate places and even collects tickets at the door before the show starts. Good boy!
In my 'Battle Of The Bands' (BOTB) Results post of Jan. 7, 2016, I linked to an old 'STUFFS' blog bit titled 'NOTES FROM AN UNNOTEWORTHY VACATION'. That blog bit is super-long, but to this day I think it's one of the best, most entertaining and humorous things I ever posted. It was all about a vacation that Nappy and I took together to Vegas and Reno in 2008. Below is just one of the stories I told in that blog bit. Remember this, you'll need it later:
Friday, Sept. 19, 2008:
On the elevator ride back to our room, a couple gets in with us. She’s tattooed and stands about 5’5”, weighing maybe 240 pounds; her boyfriend is a couple of inches shorter and weighs perhaps 15 to 20 pounds less. She gets into the elevator car and stands next to me in the back. He enters after her and kind of squeezes in between his girlfriend and myself, and then he takes her hand in his. I get the distinct impression he’s trying to send me the message that he’s there to protect her should I get some crazy idea to grope her inappropriately. And really, forget groping – if I had even inadvertently brushed up against her while our elevator car was in free-fall in the shaft as we were plummeting to our deaths, it would have been “inappropriate.”
When Nappy and I exit the elevator I say to him, “Now that was an interesting couple.” Nappy says, “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’. As tempted as I am, I ain’t sayin’ nothin’!” I protest: “Hey, I didn’t say anything derogatory! All I said was ‘That’s an interesting couple.’ Interesting can mean a lot of things, so I wasn’t making fun of them!” But Nappy just reiterates: “I’m tempted, but ain’t sayin’ nothin’.” I can only laugh… hard!
Last day in Reno, Baaabeee!...
From the moment I walked in I could detect a slight burning smell. This wasn't the odor of cigarettes or even the odor of burning grease in a pan. It was that peculiar, sharp scent of something like burning carpet fibers or something like that.
This guy behind me started howling with laughter and slapped my back like it was the funniest thing he'd heard in a very long time.
On January 9th, I Emailed the above to my brother, Nappy, which started the textversation that follows...
Nappy: Hahahaha. that's hilarious!!!
Me: Amazing, huh?
Nappy: I'm sure he's told that story to his friends a million times now.
Me: Protly he has!
Nappy: I was laughing out loud.
Me: Better to be lucky than good.
Nappy: Yeah. When it's said in real time it's funnier than you and me just joking about it. Thinking of that guy laughing and slapping your back...
Me: Thank God I decided to take a leak.
Nappy: Thank God you had beer so u would have to take a leak.
Me: Yes! Thank God for beer!
Nappy: THAT'S the moral of the story.
Me: Methinks yer right.
Alright, folks, now that my beer credentials have been established, head on over to PART TWO of this blog bit to discover what I consider to be my Top Ten (plus one) favorite beers of all time. You can get there by scrolling down or by clicking HERE.
~ Stephen T. McCarthy